numb nuts
5:19 p.m. | Monday, May. 01, 2006

what surprises me the most is how i can feel absolutely nothing one moment, and the next, want to rip someone's head off.

nothing, hatred, nothing, hatred, nothing, hatred.

it's more a mixture of hatred and mad anger.

i want to keep up the great attitude i've been working on, and that has been working (sorry for the repitition)... and that's the side of me that just stays numb most of the time. it's the realistic side of me that freaks out and says "you have every goddamn right to be pissed off!"

thoughts of puking invade my thoughts. and so i don't buy groceries so i don't have to eat anything so i can't puke.

it's a sad cycle.

something in me is broken again, and, as usual, i'm too much of a pussy to take care of it, to notice, to feel it, to get over it.

a month from now, i won't care. so i'll just stay numb until then.

numb = good.